Okay, kids, that's gonna do it for us for the week! Before you go, why not celebrate the dreams and ideals our Founding Fathers fought to establish by subscribing to our print edition! It's Pop Culture for Smart People, which was one of the inalienable rights Thomas Jefferson mentioned in the Declaration of Independence (although it was taken out of the final draft because he didn't like the flow).
As for us, we'll see you back here on Monday. If you're bored or curious during your three-day vacation, please enjoy this selection of quality features, all of which have been chosen because they match the mood of the holiday (i.e., they mention America in the title). And have yourselves a great weekend. You've earned it!
As the minutes remaining in the workweek rapidly run down, we invite you to enjoy the final installment of our bear rubremix trilogy. To honor America, we've set it to this nation's greatest cultural contribution to the musical arts: jazz. Ladies and gentleman, Mr. Jelly Roll Morton performs exclusively for you. And the bears.
New Yorkers have a million reasons why they shouldn't celebrate the 4th of July weekend out on the eastern fringes of Long Island: the horrendous traffic, the surplus of horrendous bankers, the fact that the locals (yes, people actually live there year-round) don't want you to visit, the possibility of being run over outside a nightclub by an egomaniacal, SUV-driving peroxide blond publicist, the possibility of being perved on by Hamptons resident and Christie Brinkley ex Peter Cook, just to name a few. But here's the most compelling reason to stay home: not having to spend the cost of an entire restaurant meal on a single beverage. READ MORE >>
Is your vagina lazy and out of shape? You're in luck: The Times today reports that New York City's first spa "wholly dedicated to strengthening and grooming a woman's genital area" is slated to open this month!
It's called "Phit," which is a made-up, medical-sounding acronym that means "pelvic health integrated techniques." The spa's flagship service is its $150 for a gynecological exam, in which a client contracts her pelvic muscles around a doctor's fingers in order to determine "whether the muscle tone is weak, moderate, or strong," but for additional fees you can also get your cooter hooked up to an electrostimulation machine, train with a private Kegels exercise coach, or even undergo "nonsurgical labial conturing" to "restore labial and vulvar contour to a plump firmness."
Today's Wall Street Journal opinion page? Wow! There's Karl Rove, on "Can The Black Guy Buy The Presidency." (Sample: "Mr. Obama's ads show he's aware of his vulnerability on two fronts: his liberal values and his meager achievements.") Then there's "Obama Should Embrace His Muslim Heritage," penned by Junaid M. Afeef, just in case there weren't enough people Googling "Is Obama A Muslim?" Good call. There's an op-ed that's about how awesome America's economy is: "Of course America could be falling, but I have my doubts. For one thing, the book market is too strong." Um. The book market is too strong? But the real winner is Douglas Feith, who chimes in with CRAZY.
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Perpetually topless man candy Mario Lopez has reportedly rejected Playgirl's offer to go bottomless. The whole world's favorite easily photoshopped hunk was offered $200,000 to show his junk in the pervy ladies-mag after editors caught a glimpse of his rock-solid but kind of creepily over-toned body in People. But fret not ladies and gay dudes who read Playgirl, in his refusal to participate, Lopez seemed to imply that he may let someone take pictures of his no-doubt well-shorn sack in the future, saying, "It's not something for me at the moment."
Web 2.No
THE EMPIRE STRIKES BACK Blog Impresario N.G. Denton
Who ever said the future of media was going to feel great? With the current traffic success of Gawker—70+ posts a day, amazing SEO results, and relentlessly hammered-home top stories to maximize numbers—comes a downside. The company, which hands out blogger pay on the traffic for each writer's own blog posts, has been paying out bonuses each quarter to nearly all the regular editorial staff of Gawker. "We've broken the site budget," Gawker Media owner Nick Denton told the staff in an email yesterday. The only answer, from the company's perspective? To keep getting more traffic—but to pay the producers of that traffic less for each pageview. So for the second and now, according to a new memo regarding the pay rate for the quarter that began this week, third quarters of 2008, the company has reduced the rate of pay per pageview. Other Gawker Media sites, including Jezebel, also had their pageview rate cut.
At the beginning of the year, the pay rate per pageview on Gawker was $7.50, according to Portfolio's Felix Salmon; it went to $6.50 for the next quarter and it is now $5. (Other sites vary, based on overall traffic and ad rate.)
So that crazy rumor we heard yesterday about Cynthia Rodriguez shacking up with Lenny Kravitz? Turns out there's something to it: both the Daily News and the Post are reporting today that Cynthia has dropped her highly paid stripper-loving husband, New York Yankee third baseman Alex Rodriguez.
A source tells the News of the split, "It's true. They've been having problems for about three months," which seems like an understatement, given that Rodriguez was caught rolling around Toronto with a Scores stripper back in March 2007. The Post reports that Cynthia was seen outside Kravitz's pad in Paris as recently as Tuesday, and has been in the city visiting the singer "for at least the past four days." (Fun fact: Kravitz tells everyone he's been celibate for the past three years and that he's saving himself for marriage!)
John McCain has something of a reputation for never being more than two clicks away from erupting into a horrifying, dark rage. It's a theme you may have picked up on when reports of his saying some not very nice things to his wife surfaced a few months back. A new chapter of this time-honored storyline has been offered this week by Senator (and noted McCain enemy) Thad Cochran (R-MS), who recalled a congressional trip to Nicaragua in 1987 in which McCain allegedly went buck wild on a member of the country's communist regime during a meeting.
READ MORE >> Foreign Affairs
Yesterday, Zimbabwe opposition leader Morgan Tsvangirairejected a resolution by the African Union to begin talks with dictator Robert Mugabe, citing continuing violence by the government against its people and the role of South African president Thabo Mbeki—who has shown no inclination to side against Mugabe—as mediator of any discussion.
"The conditions in Zimbabwe today are not conducive to negotiations," said Tsvangirai. There's a stunning article in today's Independent that gives another brutal example of what those conditions are like:
• Shake-up: Presidential candidate John McCain has put a new man in charge of his campaign. Political adviser Steve Schmidt, who managed Arnold Schwarzenegger's reelection for California governor, will now steer the McCain ship.
• Swing Lo: Michael Lohan is reportedly shopping his paternity test story around to the tabs, without much success.
• Hate the player: Vogueintern and hockey thug Sean Avery will be moving from his beloved New York to comparatively unfashiony Texas. He's signed on for four years with the Dallas Stars, at about $4m per, which should buy plenty of designer cashmere socks for his jacking off needs.
• I'll probably be there for you: Inspired by the success of Sex and the City, the Friends cast—the original serial dating, drink-chugging Manhattanites—will reprise their roles for the big screen. Filming is slated to begin within the next 18 months. But why not turn the hype machine on today?!
• Yay. Expensive gas: A Time article attempts to find the silver lining regarding $4 gas. Nice try.
• Will put out for petrol: Speaking of pricey gas, Kentucky's own Angela Eversole was arrested for attempting to trade sex with a man for fuel. Both tanks remain dry.
• Flesh for fantasy: NERD frontman and hip-hop fop Pharrell reveals his intent to cover up his tattoos by sewing on grown skin samples in a Vogue interview.
• What's in a name?: Burnsville Township, Minnesota, officially changed its name to Nowthen. State celebrates the most exciting news since the discovery of wide stance toilet stylings.
• Game 'Hova: Jay-Z responds to snubs by Oasis singer Noel Gallagher at Glastonbury by singing a mock cover of "Wonderwall" followed by a telling performance of "99 Problems (But a Bitch Ain't One)".
• Cruelly noted: Gawker digs up a Project Runway negotiation paper trail left by Harvey Weinstein. Say what you will about the man, but we can't get enough of his foul-mouthed charm.
The Los Angeles Times announced 150 editorial layoffs—on both print and Web, according to a memo just sent by Russ Stanton. The layoffs will be complete by Labor Day. The memo follows.
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It's back to Mumia protests for a generation of lefties, as the Revolutionary Armed Forces of Colombia has released (more likely: been forced to release) Ingrid Betancourt, a French citizen and one-time Colombian presidential candidate. Betancourt had been a member of Colombia's lower Congress since 1994; in 1998, she ran for Senate, and her children were moved to New Zealand so as not to be like murdered and stuff. She was kidnapped in 2002, while outreaching to the rebels during her presidential campaign. Earlier this year, Betancourt stopped eating; she is said to be in poor health. Suddenly today, 11 Colombian military, three Americans—who are what they like to call "defense department contractors" but who are in fact spooks who work in a "shadowy world of secret operations," according to that tinfoil-hat newsletter the New York Times—and Betancourt were set free. FARC still retains unknown hundreds of hostages.
