Alec Baldwin's 'Suicidal' Confession: Troubled Actor Admits He Thought About 'Taking His Own Life' During 'Very Painful' Days After Fatal 'Rust' Movie Set Shooting
Alec Baldwin has opened up about the shooting tragedy on the set of his movie 'Rust.'
Dec. 22 2025, Published 3:00 p.m. ET
Alec Baldwin has admitted he felt suicidal after he accidentally shot and killed a crewmember on his movie Rust, RadarOnline.com can reveal.
The actor has opened up about having PTSD from the tragedy in the past, and said he is still haunted by the tragedy.
Alec Baldwin Was 'Broken' Following Shooting
Baldwin said he felt suicidal after accidentally shooting a live firearm on set.
Baldwin was wielding a prop firearm during production of the Western movie in October 2021 when it unexpectedly fired, killing cinematographer Halyna Hutchins and wounding director Joel Souza.
While criminal charges against the 67-year-old were later dropped, the Glengarry Glenn Ross star told the Dopey: On the Dark Comedy of Drug Addiction podcast, there were times during the investigation he felt like it was all becoming too much to handle.
"I can tell you, it broke every nerve in my body," he said. "Spiritually, financially… work-wise, my career, my wife, my kids, my friends, my health. I mean, what it’s done to my health. I mean, if I told you what my health conditions have been since October 21st of 2021… It's taken 10 years off my life. It’s taken at least 10 years off my life."
Cinematographer Halyna Hutchins was killed by the live ammo on set.
The movie star then confessed the emotions led him down a dangerous path.
"When you get to that point where you go, 'I don't want to wake up another day, I’m gonna go' – I swear to God, I mean, to talk about it, and it's really kind of unappealing to me because to talk about killing yourself and to actually kill yourself are two so profoundly distinctive things," Baldwin continued.
Alec Baldwin's 'PTSD'
Baldwin broke down in tears talking about the tragedy on his reality show.
Earlier this year, Baldwin's wife, Hilaria, revealed on the couple's reality show the film and television star is just a shadow of his former self.
She confessed, "Everyone who is close to Alec has seen his mental health decline. He was diagnosed with PTSD, and he says in his darkest moments, 'If an accident had to have happened this day, why am I still here? Why couldn't it have been me?'"
As the first episode revealed, Baldwin is still struggling to come to terms with it all. In a confessional, he admitted: "This past year was just terrible. There were times I'd lay in bed. I'd go, 'Wow, my kids. I can't get up.'
"That's not like me. I'm not like that at all, not in any way am I like that. Never."
The Emmy winner revealed that he would often rather have been unconscious: "I said, 'I'm happier when I'm asleep than when I'm awake.'"
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Baldwin faces a new lawsuit from the gun manufacturer
The nightmare is not over yet, though. Earlier this week, Radar reported Baldwin and the estate of Hutchins were slapped with a lawsuit by Seth Kenney, owner of the company that supplied the death pistol – a Pietta .45 Colt revolver.
Kenney claims Baldwin and others, including Hutchins's widower, Matthew Hutchins, made him a scapegoat and destroyed his reputation following the tragedy.
Baldwin previously called the entire situation surreal, adding that he felt worse for his wife.
He said: "I can't even believe that we're going through this, and I always feel more in pain about you than me, because I think to myself, well, you know, I'm going to try to my best to just get through it, and I think what it's done to you and how much it's hurt you and everything."
If you or a loved one is in need of emotional support, dial 988.
