Tamra Judge is going through a lot. On the November 12 episode of The Real Housewives of Orange County, the star broke down in tears, revealing how worried she is that her eldest son, Ryan Vieth, will end his life.
As RadarOnline.com readers know, Tamra, 52, has been hinting at concerns all season, but in the latest episode, she didn’t hold back.
Things got emotional when fans got to see Tamra and Ryan, 33, at a group therapy session with his therapist, Dr. Mcayla Sarno. There, Ryan explained his inner struggles, which he said stemmed from his rocky childhood.
“He’s not in a good headspace and I hate to see him struggle,” Tamra said about her son. “I feel like he’s at a point in his life when he’s just numb to life,” she added. “When Ryan gets overloaded with things, he just kind of shuts down. He’s at that point in his life right now where he’s not happy, and I want to see him happy.”
Tears started streaming down her face as she recalled raising Ryan in her teens.
“I was 17 when I got pregnant with Ryan,” Tamra said. “I was still in high school.”
As readers know, the now-reality star married her baby daddy, Darren Vieth, but called it quits about one year later. Afterwards, she found love again with Simon Barney, whom she married and had three children with: Sidney Barney, 20, Spencer Barney, 18, and Sophia Barney, 13. The two divorced in 2011, and in 2013, she wed now-husband Eddie Judge. The fitness hunk also has a 4-year-old daughter from a previous relationship.
During the therapy session aired on RHOC, Ryan admitted that he feels a bit abandoned by his mother and family, especially because he knows his siblings have led a more privileged life than him.
“I think I have a lot of resentment growing up,” Ryan said. “I didn’t have the worst life, but the older I get, the more I see how my brother, my sisters are growing up, I think a bit of me inside is angry about it.”
Tamra blamed her son’s troubles on herself.
“I carry guilt because I feel like I let him down. I look at my kids now and the opportunities that they have. I have two kids in college now; Ryan, he ran out of the house at 18 because he couldn’t stand his stepdad,” she recalled.
The star admitted she didn’t give Ryan “the perfect childhood,” and seeing how it has affected him into adulthood is “heartbreaking.”
The therapist asked Ryan to make a list of words that describe his feelings about himself.
“I’m a bad person, worthless, I’m a failure, can’t succeed, powerless, I don’t belong, I don’t matter,” Tamra’s son wrote.
Seeing his words, the star broke down crying.
“It just makes me want to die,” she said. “I struggled with depression, I was sad, I had no self-worth. To hear Ryan say that, it scares me. I worry that one day Ryan might commit suicide. That’s my biggest fear.”
The mother-son duo then spoke about Ryan’s young daughter, Ava. In tears, the father of one admitted he feels unconditional love from her.
“You are a good dad,” Tamra told her son, all while admitting he’s not putting enough effort in taking care of himself.
“I can look in my son’s eyes and see that he is not himself,” Tamra said. “He is so troubled by his past that he doesn’t want her to have that life. He just wants to protect that little girl so much, just smother her, that he doesn’t let other people in. He isolates himself and it concerns me.”