Dean McDermott plunged into despair after his cheating scandal and “out of control” alcohol and drug use nearly drove him to commit suicide. “I don't ever want to be in that dark place again where I wanted to take my life,” he said an interview today on Access Hollywood.
McDermott felt so low as a result of cheating on his 41-year-old wife, Tori Spelling, in a one-night stand with a woman named Emily Goodhand, that he began to plan — and almost went through with — suicide.
“I was driving around in my truck with a loaded 9 mm. I was put on a 5150 at the UCLA psych ward,” he revealed. “My son Liam had a performance and I didn't want to miss that performance… I had plans that night to do it."
“The fact that I cheated on my wife, I wish never happened,” he admitted of the cause of all his anguish. “I wish my alcohol and drug use hadn't gotten out of control.”
The actor has begun dealing with his demons, which means he’s done doing the Lifetime reality show True Tori with his wife.
“We have five more shows left. I can’t do this anymore,” the 47 year old confessed. “I can’t keep opening a vein, opening my soul and sharing my feelings and thoughts and demons with the world. I don’t watch it. I can’t. It’s really difficult. I can’t do it anymore, for my soul.”
McDermott also admitted that he “almost lost everything, everything that means anything” to him, but he’s going to fight to save his marriage.
“I still love Tori to death and that's why we're still together,” he said. “I hold out a lot of hope. If you don't have hope what do you have? I love this woman, regardless of what I've done. I love her and want to be with her. I want to grow old with her at this moment she feels the exact same way."