Monica Lewinsky Reveals Reason Behind 'Bad Decisions' in DC — Decades After Shocking Affair With Then-Prez Bill Clinton
Monica Lewinsky recalled how wanting to feel 'special' led to 'bad decisions.'
May 4 2026, Published 12:40 p.m. ET
Monica Lewinsky admitted her desperate desire to feel “special” as a young woman in Washington, D.C., helped pull her straight into her explosive affair with then-President Bill Clinton, RadarOnline.com can reveal.
The whirlwind that would later rock the White House and define her life came from what the former intern described as "making bad decisions," which ultimately led to Clinton, 79, facing an impeachment scandal.
Monica Lewinsky Wanted to Be 'Special' in Her Early 20's
Monica Lewinsky was 22 when she became a White House intern.
Lewinsky, 52, was a 22-year-old intern when her involvement with Clinton began in 1995.
She discussed the "import of that feeling of specialness" with author Laura Day on her Reclaiming with Monica Lewinsky podcast, with the theme of the episode being "Reclaiming Intuition and Turning Trauma into a Superpower."
"I think in some ways that's part of what got me in a lot of trouble in my early 20s of looking for and wanting to be special and feeling that feeling of specialness, of validation," Lewinsky confessed. "And when it came, I fell into that, making bad decisions a lot of times, not just in D.C., but a lot of different ways."
How Monica Lewinsky Developed a 'Crush' on Bill Clinton
Monica Lewinsky had a 1.5 year liaison with Bill Clinton during his presidency.
In a 2018 documentary Lewinsky revealed how she developed a "crush" on the married president.
"I was struck in a way that he had this ability to hold everybody that was there — not just young women, not just older women — but young men, older men, gay, straight, everybody is sort of starry eyed in his presence. ... I kind of have to laugh at my younger self, but that is when my crush started, she admitted.
Lewinsky shared that Clinton's "desire" for her is what led to their Oval Office liaisons.
"I think in one way, the moment we were actually in the back office for the first time, the truth is that I think it meant more to me that someone who other people desired, desired me. However wrong it was, however misguided, for who I was in that very moment, at 22 years old, that is how it felt."
Bill Clinton's Fallout Over Monica Lewinksy Scandal
Bill Clinton was impeached over the Monica Lewinsky scandal.
Their hush-hush relationship carried on behind closed doors until 1997, before detonating into a full-blown political firestorm in January 1998, when the president famously declared, "I did not have sexual relations with that woman."
Clinton was ultimately impeached, facing charges of perjury and obstruction of justice, although he was acquitted by the Senate in 1999. He limped through the remainder of his presidency, finishing his second term in 2001 with the saga hanging over his remaining time in the White House.
An 'Intimacy' Monica Lewinsky Wanted
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Monica Lewinsky has spoken about the 'power inbalance' between her and Bill Clinton.
Lewinsky wrote about how the romance was an "abuse of power" by an older, powerful man and a vulnerable young woman in a 2018 Vanity Fair essay amid the #metoo movement.
"The dictionary definition of 'consent'? 'To give permission for something to happen.' And yet what did the 'something' mean in this instance, given the power dynamics, his position, and my age? Was the 'something' just about crossing a line of sexual [and later emotional] intimacy? An intimacy I wanted – with a 22-year-old’s limited understanding of the consequences," she asked.
"He was my boss. He was the most powerful man on the planet. He was 27 years my senior, with enough life experience to know better. He was, at the time, at the pinnacle of his career, while I was in my first job out of college,” Lewinsky continued.
She added, "None of the above excuses me for my responsibility for what happened. I meet regret every day."
