“I’ve been reluctant to put my feelings into words,” she admitted in a heartbreaking Instagram message posted Monday, February 10.
“My brain refuses to accept that both Kobe and Gigi are gone. I can’t process both at the same time. It’s like I’m trying to process Kobe being gone but my body refuses to accept my Gigi will never come back to me,” she wrote.
Vanessa, 37, laid bare her survivor’s guilt in the wake of the January 26 accident that claimed the lives of former L.A. Lakers basketball star Kobe, 41, Gianna, and seven others.
“It feels wrong. Why should I be able to wake up another day when my baby girl isn’t being able to have that opportunity?! I’m so mad,” she confessed, noting 13-year-old Gianna “had so much life to live.”
Despite the searing pain, Vanessa is trying to stay present for her and Kobe’s other children.
“Then I realize I need to be strong and be here for my 3 daughters. Mad I’m not with Kobe and Gigi but thankful I’m here with Natalia, Bianka and Capri,” she wrote.
“I know what I’m feeling is normal. It’s part of the grieving process. I just wanted to share in case there’s anyone out there that’s experienced a loss like this,” the mom continued.
“God I wish they were here and this nightmare would be over. Praying for all of the victims of this horrible tragedy. Please continue to pray for all,” she added.