Scheana Marie worked overtime to convince everyone that she and Rob Valletta were really in love during the latest episode of Vanderpump Rules. She even claimed they had already named their first daughter!
On the group trip to Valletta's house in Big Bear, Marie was obsessively bragging about her boyfriend.
"It's frustrating to hear every five minutes, Rob this, Rob that. She thinks he's Jesus Christ has risen again," Jay Taylor slammed.
"Every other word out of her mouth is how great Rob is. When people are saying their relationship is perfect, it isn't."
Tom Sandoval pointed out that Taylor might have been jealous of Valletta. "They couldn't be more different. Rob started his own production company. Jax is a bartender at SUR, a known thief, he cheated on his girlfriend."
Then Valletta saved Taylor's life.
After an intense workout in high-altitude, Taylor tried swimming in the picturesque lake, but eventually had to be rescued by a lifeguard and Valletta.
"Help! You can come and help me if you want," a distressed Taylor said as he struggled in the water.
"Literally like I'm going to die," Taylor said after the fact. "I'm having flashbacks. All the people I'm never going to see again. All the dumb sh*t that I did. If there wasn't a lifeguard there I would have died."
Valletta paddled out to help the lifeguard bring Taylor back to shore.
"He just threw me the f**king raft, he didn't give me heart to heart or anything," Taylor said about the rescue, but Sandoval corrected him. "You mean mouth to mouth."
"Rob skis, he snowboards, he literally does it all," Marie gushed about her guy. "I finally feel like I'm dating a real man."
But Valletta was not feeling so lovey, and decided to set the record straight with Taylor and Sandoval during a guy's boat trip.
"Her thing is 'I love you,'" Valletta complained. "I do love her as a person. I definitely have love feelings but that word, you don't throw it around. I'm waiting for her to be in a good place. It is really easy for me to hurt people's feelings."
After the trip, Kristen Doute told Marie that Taylor said that Valletta told them he never told Marie he loved her and she went into a delusional rant.
"I know my man loves me. His actions every day shows that he loves me," she said, slamming Doute in her confessional. "The fact that Kristen even believes it is annoying as f**k."
Marie ripped into Taylor. "Jax is so threatened by Rob! Rob is taller, better looking, younger, more successful than him. He wants what Rob and I have."
She then continued insisting that her relationship was perfect. "Rob and I are very much in love. Rob has a hard time expressing that. We have had those conversation. You know I do, but we don't say it. I feel it."
Marie admitted she didn't want to be "this dumb girl who is in love with someone that is not in love with her ."
The star then went on a lengthy rant about her perfect relationship with Valletta. "He f**king adores me!" she gushed. "We talk about having kids and getting married and having kids. We're looking at houses together. Rob and I have named our first daughter together. Madison Marie Parks Valetta."
A love-struck Marie continued: "If he's not at the point where he's as in love as I am, I'm ok with that because I know he loves me."
After her rant, Marie threatened Taylor. "Jax doesn't even deserve a conversation with me over some other bulls**t he's spewing. I would love to mentally f**k with him," she said. "You want to f**k with my relationship? I'll f**k with yours. Yeah, he's going down."
Of course, as Radar readers know, Marie and Valletta have split since filming.
At the lake, Sandoval revealed he was taking a business trip to Vegas with Tom Schwartz and Lisa Vanderpump for their new place, Tom Tom, but that it fell over his birthday. He said he planned to bring his girlfriend Ariana Madix and the rest of the crew for a huge bash!
Back in West Hollywood, Lisa Vanderpump had a frank conversation with Billie Lee, who explained that she had her sex change surgery in Thailand.
"It's about choosing the right surgeon," Lee said. "I've seen some vaginas that do not look like pretty vagina."
"How do you choose it? Isn't there one kind of optimum vagina," Vanderpump asked.
"It was the best thing I've ever did. I like love my vagina. And orgasms are amazing."
Vanderpump had no interest in the conversation. "I don't need to know about your orgasms."
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