In an emotional interview with Oprah Winfrey, a devastated Marie Osmond spoke publicly for the first time since her son Michael Blosil leapt to his death from the 8th floor of a Los Angeles building.
RadarOnline.com has the heartbreaking clip in which she desperately tries to explain why he took his own life, last February. "I had spoken to him the evening before and it was concerning me," she said as she fought back tears, while describing the night before he killed himself. "It was the first time I heard him cry and say he felt alone and that he had no friends."
She could barely speak when recalling the details of the suicide note: "He said that he knew that morning was the last time he would get up and brush his teeth, eat breakfast, make his bed, those kind of things. And that he loved his family but the pain was so intense."
Osmond made it clear the one-hour special would be the first and last time she would publicly speak about her loss and painfully tackled all the questions surrounding the tragedy.
"Believe me my son was not gay, he loved women," she said, addressing rumors that Michael killed himself because his sexuality clashed with his Mormon upbringing. "He wanted to be married and have a family and travel all over the world. And it wouldn't matter if he was, I have a daughter who's gay.
"She was the most offended by the rumors, like, what? All gay kids commit suicide?' She really wanted it cleared up."
In fact to Osmond, 51, her son was perfect. "You want the perfect man? That was my son. Chivalrous, loved, honored women. Treated them with respect.
She also addressed reports that her son was on drugs when he jumped and was adamant he was clean.
"My son was clean when he jumped," she insisted. "There were no drugs in his system, but I believe the ramifications were there."
Michael - who battled substance abuse and depression for most of his life - had his first stint in rehab at the age of 12, and he attempted suicide in 2007 when his adoptive parents, Osmond and her ex-husband Brian Blosil got divorced.
But she believes it was just one rare act of desperation. "He promised he would never do anything like that again and I believed him," she told the talk show queen. "Whatever his reality was, I do believe that there are moments when you slip into insanity and you no longer think rationally. I believe that's what happened."
While she wishes she could have stopped what happened Osmond knows she can't live life that way. "If you live in 'what ifs' you stop living."
Osmond has released an album, I Can Do This dedicated to her son. But when she tried to sing in honor of Michael, she broke down. After a few deep breathes however, she restarted and battled her way through the heartfelt tune.
"Because of what I believe in," she said. "I believe I'll see him again."
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