By Adam S. Levy – Radar Staff Writer
After taking an unprecedented amount of abuse at his Comedy Central roast that aired Monday, Charlie Sheen picked himself up, took the mic with swagger and delivered a heartfelt speech letting the audience know he’s still in the game.
“Wow, what a night — until tonight, I never realized how f***ed up I was,” Sheen said. “All this time I thought I was just having fun. The thing is once again, I come out unscathed.
“You can’t hurt me — hell, I can’t even hurt me! Drugs couldn’t kill me. Sex couldn’t kill me. The press couldn’t kill me. Two and a Half Men couldn’t kill me. Did you really think your little jokes were going to kill me? I’m done with the winning cause I’ve already won.
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“This roast may be over, but I’m Charlie Sheen. In here burns an internal fire. I just have to remember to keep it away from a crack pipe.”
While Charlie’s ex-wife Brooke Mueller was in attendance — laughing at many jokes at her expense — the rest of Sheen’s family, including father Martin, brother Emilio Estevez and ex-wife Denise Richards, did not show up for the brutal comedy melee.
Watch the video on RadarOnline.com
Instead, stars like Private Practice star Kate Walsh, Mike Tyson, William Shatner, Steve-O and a host of comics filled the dais to roast the mercurial TV star at the event, pummeling Sheen with a series of no-holds-barred digs aimed at his hard-partying lifestyle, peppered with pointed barbs referencing his history of drug abuse, domestic violence and ill-fated career moves.
Among the outrageous punchlines of the evening:
Walsh: “For some reason, you’re able to defy science and medicine and continue to survive. I’ll pencil you in for your relapse next week.”
Family Guy creator Seth McFarlane: Mueller’s “here voluntarily — no one put a knife to her throat.”
The Roastmaster General Jeffrey Ross: “Charlie if you’re winning, this must not be a child custody hearing!”
Ross on Mueller: “She’s not very bright, unless Charlie’s throwing a lamp at her!”
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