As Charlie Sheen readies to kick off his 20-city tour this weekend, Two and a Half Men creator and executive producer Chuck Lorre vented his frustration with “a tough time” he’s been going through his latest vanity card Thursday, RadarOnline.com has learned.
Lorre has been using his vanity cards — the bumpers that air for a split second at the end of his shows — to communicate his thoughts on the Sheen situation in his complex, inimitable writing style.
He posted the following words in vanity card # 337 following Thursday night’s episode of his CBS show, The Big Bang Theory:
“Whenever I’ve gone through tough times, well-meaning people have told me that God/the universe does not give us more than we can handle. Well, I’ve been going through a tough time recently, and sure enough, that old saying has been tossed my way on several morose occasions. After some careful consideration, I’ve decided it’s bull$#*!.
“As an aphorism, it only makes sense in hindsight – after you’ve managed to crawl from the wreckage of whatever calamity that God/the universe decided to toss your way. No one ever uses it to comfort someone who’s been hit by a bus or turned into a puddle of goo by flesh-eating bacteria (although in the right circumstance, that could be a hoot),” Lorre wrote.
“Another thing I hear a lot is, ‘this too shall pass.’ Again, I know these are words meant to reassure, but somehow they always leave me feeling that heartbreak, rage and grief are going to come shooting out of me like kidney stones through an inflamed urethra.
“For someone in crisis, I think a more accurate and helpful assessment of reality would be, ‘Love, sex, food, friendship, art, play, beauty and the simple pleasure of a cup of tea are all well and good, but never forget that God/the universe is determined to kill you by whatever means necessary.’ Consider trying that next time you’re called on to do some consoling.”
Lorre continued: “If you’re feeling impish, you might also try, ‘According to the rules of comedy, your suffering will be funny after an undetermined length of time. Maybe not while you’re having your gangrenous leg sawed off, watching your home burn down or learning how to be intimate with your cellmate, but, in the big scheme of things, soon.’”
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