In a shocking new interview on The Howard Stern Show, Ariana Grande's fiancé, Pete Davidson, opened up about struggling with thoughts of suicide and his lifelong issues with mental illness.
"It's like flip flopping; it's like fear abandonment; it makes sense," Davidson revealed of his battle with borderline personality disorder, which he blames on his family being "genetically f***ed up."
Davidson, 24, also noted during the Sept. 24 interview that he was "always miserable" — especially when he was younger.
"When I was nine I like tried to drown myself once," he told Stern.
"I was in the pool and I was in the deep end and I tried to get my head stuck in the ladder," he revealed, "but my head was f***ing too big. It made me feel even worse. Like I can't f***ing fit in there."
Davidson told the shock jock his family is what ultimately stopped him from ever going through with the irreversible decision to end his life.
"I don't think I'd be able to let my mom live with that — not even my sister," he said, adding, "As f***ed up as that sounds, it really was just mom...I ruined that lady's life until I was like 18."
And, surprisingly, although Davidson once went to rehab for smoking weed, he doesn't see it as a problem and confessed he continues to smoke it.
"I don't see what the big deal is," he said on Stern, noting, "Yeah, I've been smoking weed every day for like eight years."
However, Davidson admitted he's fully aware how powerless he is to marijuana.
"The only way I was able to stop is when someone put me in the house where there is literally nothing, because I had too much access," he said of going through rehab.
"I was sober for like three months, and I was like, 'This f***ing sucks. I don't want feel like this. So I said f*** this."
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