YouTube star Brittani Boren Leach
shared one of the last photos of her baby, Crew, in the hospital before he died on December 31.
The devastated mother, 29, shared a black and white photo of her cradling the 3-month-old boy while sitting on a bed surrounded by medical machines.
She revealed her heartbreak to her 918,000 Instagram followers, expressing anger and hope after the baby’s sad death.
“I can usually keep my feelings at bay during the day because I can easily distract myself. But in the evenings they hit me the hardest,” she wrote in a caption on the haunting photo she shared on January 23.
“I’m really sick of being a part of this stupid 'club' that no one wants to be in,” she wrote as the one-month anniversary of Crew’s death approached.
She noted that a volunteer “offered to come to the hospital at 10pm to take a few last photos before we said our final 'see you later' the following day.”
"There is SO much I want to say. For over three years our life has been documented on YouTube, and I’ve always shared openly about motherhood here on Instagram. It’s just natural to me, to express my emotions and grieve openly," she said.
The grieving mother lashed out at critics who attacked her family in the aftermath of the baby’s tragic death.
“I guess what I’m trying to say is that if you’ve NEVER kissed your child goodbye forever outside of O.R. doors, or held your lifeless child’s body in your arms, or felt the deep dark hole that losing a child leaves in your heart.... then any rude passive aggressive comments that you leave are from something very sick inside of you and I will pray for you," she wrote.
Boren Leach continued: “The tone of this post may sound angry, and to every degree I think I have that right, it’s a stage of grief so they say.”
Radar readers know Crew was rushed to the hospital after he was found unconscious following a nap on Christmas Day 2019.
Doctors were unable to save the young child, but they did donate his organs to two children.
Scroll through the gallery to see how Brittani and her family have been sharing their lives since the painful death of their baby.
“I’m thankful I have so much footage of him because of YouTube, but I just want to jump into the screen so badly it hurts,” the devastated mother posted on her Instagram story.
“I do want to say THANK YOU to SO MANY OF YOU, for helping me get through this with your countless thoughts and prayers,” Boren Leach wrote alongside the new photo she shared of her little boy. “I’ve been living off of coffee and GrubHub thanks to so many kind people, and it is my mission going forward to bless anyone who may find themselves in my shoes one day. And I hope you never do. ? #crewscrew.”
A memorial fund was set up for Crew, and the money is going to provide an inner-city athlete with a scholarship to pursue a college education, dad Jeff Leach posted on Instagram.
Boren Leach shared details about accompanying her son as he became an organ donor. “Our sweet Crew went to be with Jesus today. I rode on the bed with him to the O.R, with Jeff walking beside me as the surgical team pushed us through the halls,” she wrote. “People lined the halls to pay their respects to our little hero and then we said the hardest goodbye of our lives. I’m not very good with words right now, because my heart hurts and I’m angry.”
Brittani posted a Bible verse to her Instagram story, writing: “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. Psalm 34:18.”
“Right now Crew is dancing and playing in Heaven with Jeff’s brother, great grandparents, a little brother I never met, and some very special little boys,” Boren Leach posted on Instagram. “And one day we hope we to meet the 3 or 4 little lives that he has saved. But right now there’s a big hole in my heart and my arms feel empty. Please continue to pray for our strength in coming hours, days, weeks and years.”