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Tori Spelling's Husband On Why He Cheated: 'I Didn't Think I'd Get Caught. I Was Drinking & Using Drugs … I Have A Brain That Wants Me Dead,' Dean McDermott Says

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Apr. 29 2014, Published 1:21 p.m. ET

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Why did Dean McDermott cheat on his wife of seven years, Tori Spelling?

According to the Canadian actor, it stemmed from a life riddled with addiction to booze and drugs — but he claims to have finally hit rock bottom and is ready to do what it takes to save his life with his family.

In a preview clip for True Tori, it appears Spelling let McDermott move back home with her and the kids after his three-month treatment stint in a rehab facility, and while in the kitchen McDermott's friend asks him the tough question — why did he cheat on his wife?

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"Because I didn't think that I would get caught. I was drinking and using drugs, man. I was not dealing with things that happened to me in the past," McDermott, 47, said.

"It's not like I was looking for sex, or I was horny of anything. T and I, our relationship and our sex life is solid."

A solid sex life is not what McDermott made it sound like he and Spelling had in a previous clip when he said, "We had sex once every two weeks. It wasn’t fantastic."

But focusing on his addiction, McDermott explains how his life spiraled out of control and his marriage crumbled.

"I have a brain that wants to kill me. I have a brain that wants me dead. That's how the alcoholic mind works and thinks," he said.

"We'll have a couple cocktails, do a couple lines, shut it down after three lines. Yeah, you can do that, you can do that Dean. Cut to the sun rising. It just, it never works out that way.

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And now he might lose everything.

"How do you begin to fight that? You begin to fight that by hitting your bottom. I need to change," McDermott said.

"I am on the verge of losing everything that means anything to me in this world. My wife and my family."

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As Radar exclusively revealed on Monday, severe migraines and an ulcer landed Spelling in the hospital last week, undoubtedly brought on by the stress of her husband's infidelity.

"Tori’s head hurt so much, she couldn’t have any light in her bedroom,” a family insider told Radar. "And she couldn’t keep any food down from the ulcer. She was in a great deal of pain and was very scared."

"She was just so run-down and ragged from the affair fallout," the insider added.

Tune in this Tuesday night to True Tori on Lifetime at 10pm ET/PT to find out whether McDermott and Spelling can save their marriage.

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