GIVING IT AWAY Joe, Jessica Simpson
• Pimping family ain't easy: Creepy dad Joe Simpson comes down hard on Jessica for attending a party for free instead of hosting a lucrative gig in Vegas.
• Diva not so statuesque: New rule changes might cause Beyoncé's name to be omitted from the list of eligible songwriters for "Listen," should the song be nominated for an Oscar.
• Sobriety suits her: Crotch-flashing catfight queen Lindsay Lohan makes a sober decision and kicks to the curb gutter-trolling K-Fed and his bottle of Henny.
• Hollywood high school hijinks: Freshly be-singled Kid Rock and his two bodyguards kick down the wrong door looking for Tommy Lee, who's rumored to have hooked back up with Pamela Anderson Lee Rock. Meanwhile, Pam gives still-alive Pauly Shore a combo tongue bath/lapdance.
• Celebrity lawsuit files: Lou Rawls's son sues Marvin Gaye's son over a dog bite.