Bethenny, speaking with pal Ellen DeGeneres Wednesday, said while she didn’t want to publicly speak about the painful break-up, she knows it comes with the territory in show business.
“I can’t just only be on reality TV and show everything when it’s fairy princess, fairytale and then not take my hits when I have to,” the former Real Housewives of New York star, 42, told Ellen. “I’ve kind of had the best worst year ever … it’s the highs and the lows.”
After Bethenny said she felt like “a disappointment“ over the divorce, Ellen reassured her she wasn’t, to no avail.
“I feel like a failure,” the choked-up reality star said. “I really put it out there. I wanted the fairytale. I thought I had it.”
Ellen continued to comfort Bethenny, who said she’s focused on moving forward, albeit scared of the “unknown future.
“The truth is, I wanted to rip the Band-Aid off so it could start to heal … I’m scared. I’m older. And I want to be able to say to people, ‘It’s about what I do now,’” Bethenny said. ”I never thought I’d be a role model but I think to some people I am or have been.
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“So this is an important time, because it’s about what I do next. How I handle myself now with grace, with dignity. This is the time now that matters.”
Bethenny said reports speculating she chose her career over her marriage “couldn’t be further from the truth.
“This has kind of made me say to myself, ‘Oh my gosh, fame is a weird thing, maybe I want to get off the ride.’”
Also on Wednesday, Bethenny told Ellen she will continue with her daily talk show, taping it from the East Coast to be closer to her daughter Bryn and the rest of her family.
“It’s going to be a journey,” she said, “and that’s going to get me through this too.”