Chrissy Metz is ripping the lid off her life and revealing her most intimate and shocking secrets in her new tell-all book, This Is Me: Loving the Person You Are Today.
Some of the This Is Us actress’ most painful recollections involve her father and stepfather.
Metz, 37, writes about how she never felt any sort of bond with her biological dad, Mark, and she vividly recalls a fishing trip they went on when she was 7-year-old since it was one of the rare times the Navy veteran actually paid any attention to her.
“I caught seven rainbow trout that day, handing each to Phillip or my father, who joined in,” Metz writes. “It was such a special moment, because Mark was actually talking to me and even seemed impressed.
I didn't see my own accomplishment; I saw my father's reaction to my accomplishment.”
Not much later, Metz’s father left her mom, Denise, after he got caught buying some jewelry for another woman. Between the ages of 9 and 21, Metz writes she only saw her father on one occasion.
“Mark is a stranger to me and I had absolutely no idea how to magically bridge the gulf between us,” Metz notes in her autobiography.
Metz also details in the book her shock over finding out her dad had told The National ENQUIRER she had abandoned him.
“But reading the article, where he talks about all the times he reached out, I had to wonder what his real intention was,” she explains, adding that her dad Mark “never once said he was sorry, because he obviously doesn't feel like he did anything wrong.”
“I don't have to be in a relationship with him,' continues Metz in her autobiography. “I can't meet him where he is, but I can also move forward.”
The actress reveals how childhood after her dad left was far from rosy. Her family lived in a trailer in Florida and they had little money.
Metz’s mom got pregnant, but the father of the baby didn’t stay. Her mom, Denise, later met Crayton Hodge, the man who eventually became the star’s stepfather.
Sadly, Hodge, like her dad, wasn’t a great father figure, and Metz has accused him of questionable behavior, including making her undergo regular weigh-ins.
Later in life, losing weight to jumpstart her acting career in Hollywood only added to Metz’s frustration, she writes.
“I had already lost fifty pounds before moving to LA, per my manager's suggestion, but it became clear to me that I should either lose more weight or stay the butt of the joke,' Metz reveals in her book that was obtained by DailyMail.com.
“Back then there were even fewer roles written for people of size. You were a size zero or a sight gag.”
Metz recounts how on one trip home to Florida from Los Angeles she got in physical altercation with her younger sister, Morgana, after she called the actress a “fat b***h.”
Though she and Morgana were guilty of “terrifying the neighbors,” they eventually made up.
But rough times in her personal relationships were far from over, and Metz details how her failing marriage to British screenwriter Martyn Eaden caused her to fall back into bad habits.
“I was trying so hard to get ahold of my relationship with my body and break my habit of eating my emotions and of equating food with sharing love,” she writes. “I didn't know how to spend time with Marty without using.”
The couple, who managed to remain friends, officially ended their almost seven-year marriage in 2015.
Today, Metz writes she’s trying her best to let bygones be bygones for her own “sanity.”
“Carrying hate is a heavy load, but offering forgiveness is freeing.”
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