Just as Kate Gosselin returns to TV with the new season of Kate Plus 8, the star's nightmares are becoming a terrifying reality. Author Robert Hoffman has rereleased his expose, Kate Gosselin: How She Fooled The World, complete with the 40-year-old mother of eight's private journals from 2006 and 2007. RadarOnline.com reveals her deepest, darkest secrets about motherhood and marriage.
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On July 26, 2006, Gosselin admitted to spanking daughter Mady, then just 5. "Mady was grouchy and received a few spankings with the spanker that newly joined the emergency supply stash in the big blue bus!!!! She eventually happied up!" she wrote. (The "spanker" could have been a wooden spoon she reportedly used for scoldings.)
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Less than three months later, she said she acted "absolutely awful" to son Collin, then 2. "I am too rough with him and the girls see that-- I feel so guilty that I treated him like that that I will set out tomorrow to be a better mommy," she wrote.
Kate Gosselin looks shocked while she signs autographs
Another sextuplet, Joel, then 2, faced Gosselin's wrath when he climbed out of his crib. "I heard him getting into drawers, I went up and spanked him and put him back in….when nap was really over, I left him in his crib til after we had already gone downstairs…. I want him to know that I am serious and that I will not tolerate crib climbing!!!!!" she said.
Jon Gosselin looks stressed out while in his front yard
She confessed to fighting with then-husband Jon, now 38, in front of the kids. "Things spiraled quickly into a big ugly argument where Jon said really ugly things in front of the girls numerous times and he scared me about his sanity, seriously!" she wrote. "I feel like we are the worst parents in the whole world!" (The couple went on to divorce in 2009.)
Jon Gosselin and his kids enjoy an ice cream treat in Reading, PA
When sextuplet Leah soiled herself during a nap on October 20, 2006, Gosselin said she woke the 2-year-old up with her "angry voice" and threw her in the bath. "The poor little thing was shaking with coldness or fear," she said.
EXCLUSIVE: Kate Gosselin and her sextuplets take a ferry ride
None of the sextuplets were safe from Gosselin's palm! She copped to spanking all six at once after they played with tissues.
Kate Gosselin goes for a ferry with her three boys.
On January 2, 2007, angry 2-year-old Collin knocked three highchairs on the ground after receiving a verbal warning. Gosselin says she was "so So angry" she that "grabbed him and spanked him as hard as I could and thought I may seriously injure him so I sent him to his crib…. And whipped him into it very hard!"
Photos of Jon and Kate as they depart the TLC photoshoot in NYC
Four moths later, Gosselin said she "really REALLY lost it" with troublemaker Collin. "I pulled Collin up by the hair" and "spanked" him, she wrote. She added that she saw her father in herself, and was scared by the thought.
Kate Gosselin has fun wih her family minus her husband Jon on their 10th wedding anniversary
When 2-year-olds Alexis and Aaden played in a mop bucket, Gosselin claimed she called her husband and "told him in so many words that I felt like I may hurt his children."
Kate Gosselin out with all her kids going to Party City to pick up birthday supplies in Reading, PA
During the June 6, 2007 incident, she said she sobbed and prayed to God for help. Hannah and Leah heard their mother, she said, and offered to help. "I appreciated their support if nothing else!!!" Gosselin wrote.