Charlie Sheen's Expertise Of Hiring Prostitutes, Hiding Porn, Drug Meltdowns & More In Jon Cryer's New Book

Ladies Of The Night

Cryer, who played Alan Harper on the show that recently ended, recalled how he and Sheen were going through divorces at the same time, and how in a lonely moment, he turned to the leading man for advice. Cryer remembered that they "talked about prostitutes," and how Sheen "said publicly that you don't pay prostitutes to come to your house; you pay them to leave. He'd thought this through, obviously." Cryer said that "Charlie suggested a few online purveyors he occasionally used, as this was when prostitution was gaining a foothold on the Internet: He and I had different tastes, so I didn't go with his exact recommendations."

XXX Selfies

With both men divorced, Cryer said that he and Sheen would chat about their love lives as newly-single men, and how Sheen would "mention that things were going well for him romantically -- 'Romantically' is my choice of words, not his." Sheen proved how well he was doing with the fairer sex when Sheen showed him "a picture he'd taken of somebody's vagina. It was always a perfectly nice-looking vagina, but I would invariably think, "Why just this, and not the rest of the person?"

It's A Small World After All

Cryer said that he "hit it off" with "an engaging, beautiful woman" named Stephanie at a party and began dating her, only to later find out that she's already been with his co-star. "I brought her to the set and introduced her to Charlie, who looked at her blankly," Cryer said. "'We've actually met before,' she said. 'I was a waitress at La Moustache?' 'Right, right,' Sheen said. 'Hello. Nice to see you again.'" Cryer said he broke up with Stephanie after his co-star told him about the circumstances of their split. "Charlie said, 'Well, I wanted to bring another girl into bed with us, and she was not happy about that.' And then he looked me straight in the eye and with no trace of irony, said, 'So heads-up on that.'"

Watch This For Me ...

A "panicked" Sheen asked Cryer to watch over a "heavy shopping bag" when the actor's ex Denise Richards was due to visit him on the set. "Oh, boy, I thought. If this is drug paraphernalia," Cryer wrote. After Sheen reassured Cryer the bag had no illegal substances in it, he took a peek to learn that "the bag was filled to the brim with porn." Cryer wrote, "Curiosity getting the best of me, I had to find out what kind of porn captivates Charlie Sheen, what decadence frightens him into having me squirrel it away for him. Clowns? Golden-shower pictorials? German scat porn starring Federal Reserve chairman Ben Bernanke? I was prepared for the weirdest, but it really was all pretty tame, some of it just topless mags."

'Wut A Bad Day'

Cryer said he texted Sheen following his co-star's 2009 Christmas Day arrest in connection with domestic violence of his ex-wife Brooke Mueller. "Alarmed and freaked out, I texted him: 'Dude, my thoughts are with you. If you need to talk, give a call; if you've got bigger problems, call me when you get back,'" Cryer said. "Charlie texted back: 'Thanks bro. Yikes — f*ck me, wut a bad day … I'm flying home tonite. I'll try to call over the weekend. Shower rape was bad but the food was okay. Hair and makeup for mug shot got there too late. And I had same bail bondsman as Kobe. … No joke … :)'" Cryer said he "took the sense of humor about shower rape and sharing Kobe Bryant's bail bondsman as a good sign, though it seemed pretty clear my friend and colleague wasn't sober anymore."

No Shape To Work

Cryer said Sheen's on-set demeanor took a tumble as the show began its eighth season in the fall of 2010. He was "gaunt, pale, sallow, even sweaty occasionally," on-set, and "started talking to himself," the show's second banana explained. "His timing started to go off, too," Cryer wrote. "He was rushing lines. Charlie just wasn't hitting the jokes the way he used to. One time during rehearsals to choreograph the movement for a scene, he asked, 'Can I just stand next to this couch?' He wanted to hold on to it for the duration of the scene."

The Last Straw

Cryer said that Sheen stood up then-Warner Bros. bosses Bruce Rosenblum and Peter Roth when they came to the set to check on the network's highest-paid actor. Cryer said that he tried to comfort Sheen and get him on track ahead of the day's taping, to no avail. "I walked up to him and said, 'What are you worried about?''' Cryer said, at which point Sheen told him, "All these a**holes are gonna come, they'll spend two hours giving me sh*t, and I'm just gonna have to nod and say yes. I'm tired of all the bullsh*t!" After Sheen "screwed up every line" in the initial takes -- leaving the cast "extraordinarily uncomfortable" -- he abruptly left after taping, which would be his last. "And with that, we all accepted that something was truly broken here," Cryer said, adding "that Charlie couldn't be counted on to even go through the motions anymore."