EXCLUSIVE: Nicole Kidman's Lonely Pain Behind Her Oscar Win Revealed

Nicole Kidman suffered extraordinary loneliness behind the greatest professional triumph of her career – with winning an Oscar leaving her wishing she had a partner waiting to hold her, RadarOnline.com can reveal.

The 59-year-old actress won Best Actress in 2003 for playing Virginia Woolf in The Hours, two years after divorcing Tom Cruise.

But Kidman has now revealed behind the glamour of Hollywood's biggest night, she was struggling with her personal life and returned home from the ceremony painfully aware she had nobody with whom to share her career-defining victory.

Speaking on the Therapuss podcast, Kidman said: "I was beyond lonely. I had the pinnacle of my success, and I went home and was so lonely.

"So, yeah, crazy, though, that sort of the confluence of events where you go, 'I wish...'I had my mom with me and my dad, but I was like, 'Where's my partner, someone that I can share this with?'

"It was one of the most profound moments where I went, 'I've got to get a life,' and at the same time, I'm holding this gold statue where you go, 'This is, this is it. This is the highest sort of prize you can get in our industry.' And so grateful and yet so lonely."

Kidman described the collision between professional success and private unhappiness as "weird," saying the experience forced her to confront what was missing from her life despite reaching the summit of Hollywood.

She added: "I'd love to be able to just, you know, be wrapped in somebody's arms right now.

"I'd love to be around now, something that feels really, 'Oh, okay. This is my real life.'"

Kidman divorced Cruise, now 64, in 2001 after 11 years of marriage. The former couple shares two adult children.

The Practical Magic 2 actress later married musician Keith Urban, 58, in 2006. They have daughters Sunday, 18, and Faith, 15, and remained married until their surprise split last year.

Kidman has previously described how her emotional turmoil followed her into the celebrations after her Academy Award victory.

Speaking to Dave Karger for his book 50 Oscar Nights, Kidman said: "I'm not a big party girl, so I was going to skip the Vanity Fair party, and everyone was like, 'You've got to go. You've got to walk through the party carrying your Academy Award.'

"I said, 'That just feels like gloating, and it doesn't feel humble.' Like, 'What? You can't walk through carrying the award! That feels really inappropriate.' "They're like, 'That's what you do.'

"So I literally walked in, carried it around, was completely overwhelmed, emotional, shaking, and I didn't enjoy it.

"I was almost apologetic, which is so stupid. I wish I could have enjoyed it more."

Kidman added the contrast between her public triumph and what was happening privately was impossible to ignore.

She said: "I was struggling with things in my personal life, yet my professional life was going so well. That's what happens, right?"

Kidman has built one of Hollywood's most successful careers, emerging from Australian cinema before achieving international fame opposite Cruise in Days of Thunder.

Her acclaimed performances have included To Die For, Moulin Rouge!, The Others, The Hours and Lion, while television brought further success with Big Little Lies.

Her portrayal of Virginia Woolf earned her the Best Actress Oscar, cementing her position among Hollywood's leading performers.

Away from acting, Kidman has also worked extensively as a producer.

Her personal life has remained intensely scrutinized, particularly her marriages to Cruise and Urban and her role as a mother of four.