Mandy Moore is not staying silent about the alleged abuse she suffered at the hands of ex-husband Ryan Adams. After exposing him in a scathing New York Times article last week, the This Is Us star blasted him again on the "WTF With Marc Maron" podcast.
"I felt like I was drowning," she said on the Monday February 18 episode, speaking of her seven-year marriage to the shamed musician.
"It was so untenable and unsustainable and I was so lonely, I was so sad. ... I knew that this wasn't the rest of my life. I knew that this wasn't the person I was supposed to be with, I knew that I wasn't the person I was meant to be," recalled Moore, 34.
The actress said that she pushed herself to marry Adams, 44, partly because her family life had spiraled out of control. Her mother left her father for a woman, and she felt she had no say over anything.
"When you feel out of control in a situation, like I can't control my immediate family, and the fact that this particular situation blew us up in a way ... I guess kind of just thought, I'll create my own family," Moore said.
Moore met Adams after one of his shows, when she was just 23. She was instantly enthralled by him, and after they got married, the spell didn't wear off. Despite her obvious discontent, she was reluctant to give up on their relationship, and instead put her own career and life on hold to make him happy.
"I was living my life for him," she said. "Being the mother ... it's an entirely unhealthy dynamic. Oh, I had no sense of self. I was imperceptible, I was so small in my own world."
Eventually, however, it all came crashing down.
There was a point, said Moore, when being with Adams made her feel worthy, and the affection he gave her made her feel like it was okay to give up on her dreams.
"I would do little jobs. It's not like I completely stopped working. But it would become abundantly clear while I was working, things would completely fall apart at home. I couldn't do my job because there was a constant stream of trying to pay attention to this person who needed me and wouldn't let me do anything else," she said.
Finally, in 2016, she left him and filed for divorce. And now that she's in a healthy marriage and at the peak of her career, she is speaking out.
Radar readers know Moore is one of seven women who've accused Adams of psychological abuse. This February 16, singer Phoebe Bridgers slammed the songwriter, saying that what he did to her and other women was "fu**ed up and wrong."
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