Jessica Sierra’s struggle with drug addiction has been well documented, with two arrests under her belt, jail time, a stint on Dr. Drew Pinsky’s Celebrity Rehab and a subsequent court ordered rehab stay at The Pasadena Recovery Center. Jessica struggled with alcohol and cocaine abuse for many years, with the addiction eventually taking over her life and leading away from her love of and career in music. But now the Season 4 American Idol alum is back, she’s clean and sober, excited about the future and working on a new single. In an exclusive interview with RadarOnline.com Jessica shares her struggle with addiction, how she dealt with a court ordered ban on performing, her advocacy work with children and how she’s looking forward to the future, drug and alcohol free.
“In the midst of my addiction, I guess I really didn’t think I had a problem,” Jessica told RadarOnline.com. “I was always getting loaded so I wasn’t clear minded. I wasn’t able to look at myself and realize there was even an issue. But now coming out of it I feel like such a strong person. A lot of people don’t overcome their addictions like that so I feel extremely blessed to have had that opportunity to go to rehab and spend a year in there. I’m focusing on myself and getting sober. It’s been amazing.”
Jessica told of her anger when a ban on her performing was put in place, but admits that it was very probably in her best interests, and helped her on the road to recovery. “The judge put a restriction on me that I couldn’t come within 100yards of a microphone and a camera,” Jessica said. “ At first I was pissed off. I was like how could they do that? How could they take my livelihood away , just take it and that would be o.k.? But I think being in rehab and being away from the cameras and actually being able to focus on myself without trying to be a star... And live up to exactly what I thought I was, I was really able to work on myself and get sober. So I understood probably six months into it, I knew where the judge was coming from, and I thank God that he did it.”
Jessica said that her biggest fear about getting sober was that she would no longer be able to create, a fear that turned out to be, thankfully, totally unfounded. “I think the biggest fear was that when I was doing my music, all my writing, all of that stuff, I was getting loaded. So I didn’t know anything. I didn’t know how to write, I didn’t know how to record in a studio, or perform on stage or any of that without being loaded. So I think that was the biggest fear for me... Like to get out there and actually do it sober.”
Carrying with the 12-steps ethos of ‘one day at a time’ Jessica is taking it slowly, committed to her recovery, and working with her on-going struggle. “Each day is different and most of the time I don’t have many cravings. I wake up, I take care of my child and then there are some days where it gets overwhelming and you know I would like to sit back and relax and have a beer, but I don’t. I don’t think about it all the time, those times are rare.”
And for the first time for ages Jessica is excited about her future. “I have a lot of things I really want to do. You know I have been speaking to children and been raising awareness about drugs and alcohol and sexual abuse and all that stuff, which I love. It gets me away from myself which is amazing and just to be able to talk to people who are in trouble. You know, there are these young kids who you can reach out to which is amazing.
“I’m moving on. I’m going to a new chapter of my life. All the bad stuff, all the bad karma, everything. I’m leaving it behind. I’ve had enough of it you know? I’m starting over.”