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Brangelina: Obsession of Convenience

Oct. 27 2008, Published 7:07 a.m. ET

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NICE CANNES Jolie and Pitt in a touching moment

With Lindsay Lohan's Saturday morning meltdown taking place on a holiday weekend—when most of the mags pushed their closing dates back to Friday instead of Monday—annoyed tabloid staff had to race back from the Hamptons to sneak in an item about LiLo's arrest on DUI charges. It seems none of the weekly warriors wanted to go through all the hassle of changing the cover, though, so this week is once again ruled by nebulous Brad and Angelina coverage!

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Star wins the "We Were So Out of Here at 2 on Friday" award for its screaming exclusive boasting of "Jen's $5 million tell-all." The cover shot is of Jennifer Aniston clutching some papers that readers must assume is the sacred manuscript containing answers to the world's most perplexing mysteries—how Brad told Jen about Angelina, the truth about Brad's other women, who shot JFK, and why does OK!'s rub-off ink smell so funny? Alas, the story appears to be a bout of wishful thinking on the part of the publishing industry. The most concrete quote is from some "literary expert," who explains that if the former friend wanted to write a book about the bad Brad break-up, she would probably get a large advance.

Meanwhile, In Touch expresses concerns over a pin-thin Angelina and her creepy veins, but OK! airbrushes Angie's arms and makes Brangelina happy as "honeymooners." Life & Style continues its yearlong quest to break up the couple, spinning cute pics of Angie and new kid Pax feeding a dolphin into "Brad and Angie raising the kids APART!" Us, likewise, continues its quest to become Life & Style's annoying tattletale little sister with an exposé calling out the competing pub for its botched Brangelina break-up coverage—come on, kids, no need to fight. There's enough fake news for everyone.

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