Visa, Everywhere Winehouse Wants to Be

LEAVING THE HIVE Winehouse • They said No, No, No: Amy Winehouse has been denied entry into the U.S. in order to attend this Sunday's Grammy Awards and therefore will be possibly performing via satellite from the bottom of a crack pipe.

• Overachiever: Not to be outdone by Lindsay, Wino, or Britney, the original rehabber himself, Stoned Temple Pilot Scott Weiland goes back to rehab.

• Of Karl Marx and comma splices: Continuing her attack on Obama in blog posts littered with comma splices, Roseanne bets $25, or about eight bags of Cool Ranch Doritos, that the suave Dem's mix of Sunday school pedagogy and casual Marxist utterances will allow the Republicans to take the lead in the race to the Oval Office.

• How disabled: Virginia has banned the term "mentally retarded," opting for the more debilitating "intellectually disabled." The decision will cost the state upwards of $75,000 to appropriate literature and signage.