Judith Regan's Martyr Complex

ARROW-PROOF Regan (Photo: harpersbazaar.com)

She's an arrow-strewn St. Sebastian, a bullet-riddled Bonnie Parker, a war-time Patton, a karaoke Sinatra ... oh, you know who I'm talking about, bitches. Regan. Judy, if you're nasty.

Famously ousted after the O.J. Simpson book debacle, the swaggering publisher again rises to her own defense, offering up a litany of problems she might have been bummed by had they been problems in the first place—all to the tune of Ol' Blue Eyes's "I Did It My Way" (If I Did It My Way? Sorry, ouch.). In an as-told-to feature just posted on harpersbazaar.com, Regan twists her legend—brutish, dick-like, anti-Semitic—into a slightly perfumed tale of earnest struggle. "There were personal vendettas, political vendettas, professional jealousies, death threats.... Suddenly, there were people I'd never met claiming to the press that they were my friends or lovers." (Surely not Bernard Kerick, but maybe Eric Shaeffer?) But no matter, "With time came my vindication on the O.J. front, people say." Judith then goes on to say it, too.

She's ready to move on, she claims, and is happy to downsize her affairs: "I've tried with all my strength to stand tall and face it all. And now, I don't want more. I want less. I want my life to get smaller, not bigger." Well, posing as one of Christianity's most celebrated martyrs for a major ladymag is sure to help!