Denise Richards' Vagina Speaks For The Nation

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It's become commonplace to bemoan the fate of working mothers in our complicated, fast-paced society, but that doesn't make their plight any less true, or difficult. That's why we all owe a debt of gratitude to reality-show star Denise Richards, who encapsulates the struggle which every modern mom encounters: Denise, you see, is so busy squiring around her charges that she doesn't even have time to accompany her friend to get her vagina waxed. In fact, Denise barely has time to attend to her own vagina, having to make do with a home depilatory kit for vaginas. Denise's frank discussion of the stark realities which confront our harried matriarchs each and every day deserves accolades for both its candor and the way it truly makes you stop and think: Do you really want to live in a world where Denise Richards' vagina goes untrimmed? Aren't we putting too much pressure on the women of America to take care of their kids at the expense of their cooters? Are there really no vagina-deforestation technicians in L.A. who make housecalls? John McCain and Barack Obama can argue about Iran and rates of taxation all they want, but until they offer a solution to this very tangled issue we, as a nation, cannot truly say we're facing the most burning questions and pressing challenges of the age.