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Jamie Otis' Baby Heartbreak 5 Months After Miscarriage: 'I Want To Cry Or Scream'

jamie otis miscarriage married at first sight
Source: instagram/@jamienotis

Dec. 16 2016, Published 10:08 a.m. ET

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Jamie Otis miscarried her son on July 13 at only four months pregnant, but the tragic day feels like just yesterday for the Married at First Sight star. Otis exclusively revealed to RadarOnline.com how she's coping with the loss days before her late son's due date.

"I'm obviously still struggling a bit," the reality star told Radar. "I try so hard to be 'positive' and think about the future, but this month has been especially difficult."

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Otis' first child with husband Doug Hehner, Johnathan Edward, was expected to be due on December 20th.

While the Jamie Otis Jewelry designer is still mourning the loss, her husband has "moved on in life" by hoping to welcome their rainbow baby. But unfortunately for the couple, conceiving hasn't been easy.

"We've been trying to get pregnant again and with every negative pregnancy test I either want to curl in a ball and cry, or scream and yell at the top of my lungs, 'why?'" she shared. "I'm trying so hard not to be a 'Debbie downer,' but sometimes my emotions get the best of me."

Otis, 30, has continued to pay homage to her late son over social media, as she shared the necklace she made for him with the inscription, "Mommy of an angel."

"Johnny, today marks one week before you were due," she captioned a photo of her necklace. "While everyone is all excited and full of cheer for the holidays I find myself plastering a smile on my face just so I don't make it obvious how much it hurts inside. Is it crazy to miss you as much as I do? Am I insane for thinking about what you may look like and daydreaming about what could be if you remained safe and sound inside me... it's been 5 months and sometimes it still feels like I just lost you yesterday."

She ended the post, "My precious first born son. I'll always love you and cherish you sweet angel. I'd rather have you here, but I'm so thankful I have an angel in heaven watching over me."

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