The world economy is in free fall! You’ll never get a loan for anything ever, ever again! Beverly Hills Chihuahua is the No. 1 movie in the country! Sarah Palin! It does seem as if the end of days is near. But never fear, Angelina and Brad are back on U.S. soil and in the tabs’ sights; all will be right with the world!

After the birth of twins in July, Angie went all Boo Radley, disappearing for nearly 11 weeks. But she and the fam came back to NYC for The Changeling premiere last week, and she actually talked to reporters. She was pretty and smelled good and had new tats and shiny hair and the weeklies just want to hold her and love her and squeeze her and tell her never to leave again. So greatly do they adore her, that they would never ever say anything bad about her.

Almost.