The Pioneer Woman Reveals Secret Battle With Postpartum Depression: 'I Was In Hell'

Oct. 17 2017, Updated 4:59 p.m. ET

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Ree Drummond felt more than just "desperate and alone" after giving birth to her first daughter Alex, and RadarOnline.com has all the exclusive details of her postpartum depression battle.

The blogger turned TV star confessed that she "quietly sobbed the whole way home" after giving birth and stayed in bed for weeks in her book, The Pioneer Woman: Black Heels to Tractor Wheels – A Love Story.

"It was official: I was in hell," she wrote of her first day with her newborn. She described how her "breasts had become spigots, both shooting milk eight inches in front of her body" — and she couldn't stop crying.

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"I had become a shell of a person," she later added. "Any identity I'd previously had as a wife, daughter, friend, or productive member of the human race had melted away the second my ducts filled with milk."

"My mom dropped by to help once or twice, but I couldn't emotionally process her presence," she said. "I hid in my room with the door shut as she did the dishes and washed laundry without help or input from me. Marlboro Man's mom came to help, too, but I couldn't be myself around her and holed up in my room. I didn't even care enough to pray for help."

Then, her sister Betsy came to visit on her college break, and Ree's husband Ladd taught her how to take care of her farm chores so Ree could stay in bed.

"Deep in the throes of postpartum desperation, I wanted no part of it anymore," Ree admitted.

She eventually came out of her depression when her sister encouraged her to take a shower and put on "some cute clothes."

Radar exclusively reported that Ree, 48, previously suffered a family tragedy when she ran over her dog, Puggy Sue.

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