Jill Zarin Makes An Emotional Return To Fabric Store After Husband's Death

Jill Zarin lost her beloved husband Bobby to thyroid cancer about two months ago, and she's just returned to their Zarin Fabrics business.

"It was very surreal coming into Zarin Fabrics," the former The Real Housewives of New York star told Extra. "It's the first time I've been back since Bobby died," in January.

"I didn't expect to be emotional when I walked in the door. He would have been 72 two weeks ago ... it's surreal. But he's here."

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Zarin, 54, revealed at a book launch party how she's bravely coping as a widow, remarking to PEOPLE, "I don't know what I'm going to do without him because he always made sure I didn't forget anything. He would always close the cabinets or the refrigerator … he always finished everything I started.

"I need some time alone without the pressure of a fast pace right now. I need to slow down and follow my heart. That's what Bobby would want for me. Playing tennis and golf, being with my parents and very close friends is what brings me the most happiness right now. One day at a time."

Surprisingly, Jill couldn't shed tears over Bobby at his funeral.

She told Page Six, "I didn't cry at the funeral. I thought there was something wrong with me. I'm like, 'Why am I the only one not crying and everybody's crying' because I had already mourned, weeks before, months before…Nobody cried more than me in the hospital, literally. It's crazy. But now, Bobby would want me to move on," she added.

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When asked how she's holding up, Jill said, "not good," noting, "I put on good makeup, I have good days and bad days. Anything can trigger me to cry and then I'm fine, so it's just a process."

As readers know, Bobby lost his battle with thyroid cancer on January 13 after years of struggling with the illness. He was 71.

Jill and her RHONY co-star Bethenny Frankel buried the hatchet after Bobby's tragic death and she attended the funeral.

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