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Teach Your Fish Tricks

Jun. 21 2009, Updated 2:30 p.m. ET

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Do you have lazy fish? Frankly, we’ve never known any other kind, but if you’re ambitious – or just crazy – you can teach those lazy loafers a series of agility maneuvers, including swimming through hoops, pushing a soccer ball, navigating a dizzying slalom course, and more. With this handy set from Hammacher Schlemmer, you use techniques perfected by circus animal trainers to teach Guppy – by the age-old method of of rewarding them with food when they perform, using the included “feeding wand.”

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Always wanted to play fetch with your goldfish? Me neither, but apparently certain species’ (such as Parrotfish or other Cichlids) tend to pick up and move gravel with their mouths, making them ideal for these kind of shenanigans.

The $29.95 kit includes two bases and all needed training paraphernalia, plus a soccer goal, basketball hoop, and football goalpost, so you can train your pet to score a bevy of goals, slam dunks, or field goals.

What next? A fish litter box?

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