American Idol's Paula Abdul says she has popped her fair share of pills during a 12-year bout with painkiller addiction.
"I could have killed myself," Abdul tells the new issue of Ladies' Home Journal. The 46-year-old singer said withdrawing from the drugs last fall was "the worst thing. I was freezing cold, then sweating hot, then chattering and in so much pain. It was excruciating. But at my very core, I did not like existing the way I had been."
Abdul said she only kicked the habit last November during an extended stay at La Costa Resort and Spa in Carlsbad, Calif.
Abdul said she had lingering agony from years of cheerleading, dancing injuries and a pair of car crashes in the early 90s which lead to a bout with reflex sympathetic dystrophy syndrome four years ago. She said she wore a patch that was 80 times more potent than morphine.
Despite rumors to the contrary, the Forever Your Girl singer said she never appeared on Idol under the influence.
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On a more positive note, Abdul said she is gearing up for a comeback, and will sing "I'm Just Here for the Music," a single from her forthcoming album, on Wednesday's Idol results show.
Her album hits stores this autumn.