(Photo: Splash News Online) American bounty hunter and bail bondsman Duane 'Dog' Chapman gave an interview with Esquire that could yield a book of quotes to stand alongside the best of them. Among the accumulated wisdom the 55 year-old shares are:
-"My grandfather told me years ago, "Watch your fantasies, because you're the kind of person who will live them."
-"Selling a vacuum cleaner to a farmer is like trying to sell the devil a match."
-"The closest thing to hell on earth is prison. It's the worst experience I've ever had in my life. Besides death."
-"When I look in the mirror, I'd rather be studly than sexy. Matt Lauer can be sexy. I'll be studly."
-"I speak to animals a lot. Crows will come to me. I'm like that."
-"We as men need to make sure our women are fully satisfied. I went to a marriage counselor one time -- I was young, she was beautiful -- and I told her, "I just stay on longer because I want the girl to get off first, and then I want to touch them and love them." Within two weeks, I was screwing the sex therapist, right? No -- this is a true story!"
-"If I could bring my daughter back, I'd hold a snuff can over a bear's ass for five years in a Texas prison."
Chapman -- who was a gang member with 18 convictions for armed robbery, which he insists he's innocent of -- launched his reality show Dog the Bounty Hunter in August, 2004 .