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Your Flight Is Boarding, Mr. Abdul

Oct. 27 2008, Published 7:07 a.m. ET

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PLANES BLOW UP EVERY DAY Airshow Disaster Great news! The federal government is going to take over airport passenger screening again! You may recall that the last time they did this, in 2003, they pulled aside everyone named David Nelson as well as Ted Kennedy. Hilarious. Now Homeland Security says that their New Technology works. Six airlines are excited to try it, says Wired! This comes at the same time as the head of Homeland Security has said that someday they will be able to screen for liquid explosives that can be carried on planes but for now they just cannot so please enjoy these tiny complimentary shampoos in your TICKING DEATH PLANE.

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