Boll Winning Cruddy Filmmakers' Race to the Bottom

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Uwe suck!: Horror auteur and amateur pugilist Uwe Boll (Bloodrayne, House of the Dead) responded yesterday to a petition asking him to get out of the movie-making business. (About 168,000 had signed at post time.) In the process, he called filmmaker Michael Bay a "fucking retard," and slammed director Eli Roth. Today Bay says, "He is obviously a sad being." Roth calls Boll's remark, the "greatest compliment ever."

• Too bad there's no GNR pun to use here: Axl Rose reportedly delivers his band's fifth studio album, Chinese Democracy, to Geffen Records—after 14 years and $13 million.

• Loves the ladies: Elton John plays NYC Wednesday night, raising $2.5 million for Hillary Clinton and saying, "I'm amazed by the misogynistic attitudes of some of the people in this country. And I say to hell with them ... I love you Hillary, I'll be there for you." Right. Can we hear "Tiny Dancer" now?

• Rhodes stands by "whores": After her lady-on-lady rant, radio's Randi Rhodes resigns from Air America rather rather than publicly apologize for calling Hillary and Geraldine Ferraro "fucking whores." Elton John would not approve.

• Also in whore news: The owner of Bret Michaels' Rock of Love house is suing producers for $380,000 to cover damages that occurred during filming, including holes in walls, dead plants, and a stubborn film of silicone and skankiness.

• Frisco shuffle: San Franciscans are in a tizzy when the Olympic torch's route through the city is suddenly changed without notice, depriving thousands of the once-in-a-lifetime opportunity (resisting ... bad ... joke ...) to see a man carrying a flame jog down the street. (Whew!)