Tired Tabs Tap the Story Bank

<span class="imagecaption"CUTTING CREW Minnillo, Lohan

With Paris Hilton doing time in the big house, Lindsay Lohan rehabbing it up at Promises, and Brad and Angelina all kissie-kissie lovey-dovey at the nine billion Ocean's Thirteen premieres, it's a tough go for the weeklies this time around. Watch and learn as they're forced into evergreen "Stars without Make up" (In Touch), "Celebrity Slimdown" (OK!), or the always popular "Celebrity Cellulite" (Star) covers.

The one thing that did happen this week was that photos materialized of Nick Lachey's best gal, Vanessa Minnillo, engaged in what the weeklies are calling "dangerous, erotic, knife play." Translation: Last summer, two cute chicks (Mannillo and Lohan) met a digital camera in Sean Lennon's kitchen and decided, in a haze, to take some horror film-y photos. And how much do you want to bet that the snapper/director of this photo shoot was a guy, and probably the one who told Vanessa to pull down the strap of Linds's tank top and pretend to stab her in the boob?

While the other weeklies mention the pics in their Lindsay "rehab diary" stories, Us wins the "outside the box" award for spinning the event into "The shock of Nick's Life: He stands by Vanessa as her scandalous photos with Lindsay Lohan Test their Love." They whip this into a six-page story, chock-full of experts and Nick's buddies lamenting Vanessa's bad-girl past and taking odds on the relationship's recovery. But seriously, who hasn't made a slasher flick with Dad's camcorder and strategically placed fast-food ketchup packs?

Photo: Getty Images