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How to Choose The Love Of My Life?

Oct. 27 2008, Published 7:07 a.m. ET

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TALK TO HER Tionna Now more than ever we are confronted with obstacles and difficulties in our daily lives that we just can't seem to handle on our own. Fear not! Noted author and world-famous advice columnist Tionna Smalls is here to help you solve your problems! Today, Tionna counsels a love-torn valentine.

Hey Tionna,

Please help! I have a major romantic dilemma. I'm breaking up with my current partner and I'm ready for someone new in my life. There are two people on the horizon, but I just can't decide between them. I've never been more conflicted in my life!

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Person A is smart, experienced, and ruthlessly efficient. I know that if we're together this person will work as hard as possible to try and make things better for me. Unfortunately, half of my friends hate this person, because we were sort of together once before. And while, when I look back at that time, it seems that things were much better then, I worry that I'm letting my current relationship cloud my judgment. Also, this person can be kind of abrasive; sometimes when things work out there's a lot of "I will destroy you" stuff. Still, I can't help but feeling that the person's heart is in the right place, and the fact that the person is familiar with how I work makes me think that A is the safer choice.

Person B moves me in a way I haven't been moved in years. Brilliant, charismatic, inspiring... Person B really makes me feel like true love really exists, and that I deserve better than what I've gotten so far. But here's the thing: I worry that Person B, who hasn't been around the block as much as my other suitor, might be raising my hopes too much. And I'm not sure how to put this, but I'm sort of afraid that if Person B somehow lets me down it will have an incredibly devastating effect on me, almost worse than if we were never together at all. Like, if Person B disappoints me I'm going to feel as if there's no point in trying to find love anymore.

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This is really important. The guy I'm currently with really screwed things up for me. Most of my friends hate me now, he burned through my savings, and because of some of the things he did, people think I'm selfish and even racist. So this choice is really going to define the rest of my life. What should I do? Take a chance on someone who really turns me on but might not get the job done, or settle for someone who knows how to pull my levers but will probably continue alienating a lot of my friends? I just can't decide. Help me, Tionna, you're my only hope.

Your Friend,


P.S. There's a third person in the picture, but this person is much older than I am. Also, kind of scary and bad-tempered. I worry that some night the person may haul off and hit me. So I'm not really going to consider it.



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