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Pimp My Bride

Oct. 27 2008, Published 7:07 a.m. ET

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LADIES OF LAING (clockwise from upper left) Aniston, Burch, King, Dowd

Thirty-two-year-old Scottish bachelor Tom Laing, the millionaire heir to the Laing construction fortune, is offering in the UK's Daily Mail to pay upwards of $30,000 to the person who finds him a wife in 2007. Among Laing's enticements are promises of $1,000 dates at angry TV chef Gordon Ramsay's London restaurants and excursions to Sweden's Ice Hotel. Luckily for American cat-ladies in training, Laing is looking for a foreign bride with good eyebrows who knows her way around a ski slope.

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"Toxic wives" need not apply.

In return, the lucky lady will marry a chap who boasts, "the late Queen Mother used to stay at our family manor house," and who sends women calligraphied German poems. Laing is no cad—he waited until 25 to lose his virginity (clearly a conscious choice)—and hopes to have a family in the next eight years: "with three children called Elizabeth, Hector, and the youngest to be chosen by my wife." Laing is the "perfect eligible bachelor," one who believes in "paying for the privilege of taking a lady out." He also has a thing for nurse costumes.

As a service to the freckled fellow, might we suggest the following candidates?

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