Aniston Snuggles Up with Arquette, Cox

THIRD WHEEL Aniston, Arquette, Cox (Photo: Getty Images)

With TomKat seemingly drama-free this week and readers suffering from Britney burnout, the tabloids lack a compelling narrative. Time to dredge up something from the evergreen well—sad single millionaire Jennifer Aniston is going to die alone!

Seems Jen tagged along to Hawaii on best friend Courtney Cox's family vacay with hubby David Arquette and three-year-old Coco. Life & Style and Us run a pretty pathetic pic of the Cox-Arquette crew in a canoe, while poor Jen paddle-surfs solo in the distance. As In Touch puts it, "Jen was left alone on the sand while Courtney, David, and their daughter Coco went surfing. Later the Arquettes rowed together in a kayak but there didn't seem to be enough room for Jen!"

OK! blows this up into a four-page cover story finding insiders/disgruntled delivery men/frustrated photographers to say that Jen is to blame for her own sorry single status because she pushes men away, orders in too often, and doesn't like to go shopping in paparazzi-infested L.A. areas where she can be photographed.

As if the world weren't cruel enough, Brangelina and the rainbow bunch chartered a boat on Lake Michigan, resulting in all five weeklies running adorable photos of Shiloh and Zahara wearing life vests in Chicago. Why, dammit, why is the world full of happy nautical families?!

But cheer up, Jen: Star has you hooking up with a new Brad—Bradley Cooper, who, for symmetry's sake, just got divorced from wife Jennifer Esposito. Bradley and Jen are set to star in the movie version of the best-selling book He's Just Not That Into You. So when this relationship bellies up, as all Jen's romances inevitably do, the glossies will have months' worth of pun-stuffed headlines.