THE NEW PAUL WELLSTONE? Franken
• Franken's in: As previously speculated, comedian turned political commentator Al Franken announced his candidacy for Minnesota senator on his last day at Air America. His platform so far: stealing schmaltzy lines from other senators about making sure middle-class families have wearable footwear.
• : Michael Jackson may soon have a guest gig training America's pop stars-to-be ... hopefully via video, in Neverland, far, far away from the underage contestants.
• Dirrty: Christina Aguilera has recorded a song about oral sex—under the brilliantly cryptic title, "Fuck You, Suck You"—but refuses to release it.
• Supreme mistake: Justice Antonin Scalia's daughter, Ann S. Banaszewski, was arrested for driving under the influence and endangering the lives of the three children in her car. Outside a McDonald's, no less.