The Secret of McCain's "Success" (It's Failure)

THAT'S KINDA THE THING WITH SUICIDE BOMBERS John (Photo: Getty Images) • Quiet as a suicide bomber: At a Wisconsin townhall meeting on Thursday, John McCain told the crowd we are "succeeding" in Iraq and that things are "quiet" in the Iraqi city of Mosul. That same day, there were two suicide bombings in the not-so sleepy town and a third in a neighboring area.

• Illegal sublet: A Japanese woman has been arrested for secretly living in a man's closet without him knowing. Police say it looked as though she had been living in the closet for nearly a year. New Yorkers wonder what the big deal is.

• Donor dad: Clay Aiken has artificially inseminated a friend. Keyword: artificially.

SURE, THERE'S MORE: Presidential chest bumps; Pelosi takes a stand; and courting Britney!