DON'T ASK HOW YOU CAN DO $188K OF RENOVATIONS ON THIS HOUSE Ted Stevens' House So Ted Stevens—the longest-serving Republican in the Senate, and also from Alaska, from whence all great things come—is having this wild and wooly trial, charged with seven counts of failing to report gifts in the form of home renovations and stuff. Which, you know, is the last thing some guy in his mid-70s wants to deal with. Who would? But being the king of ALASKAN EARMARKS, who built his wealth on friendy deals, is finding that a good legal defense is having a really stupid offense from the other side—a prosecutorial offense so good that it sends witnesses out of town when they become problematic! Without, you know, telling Stevens' lawyers.