Tabs Fail to Make Jessica Interesting
BEST PROM EVER Simpson, Mayer
Everyone ran blurry telescopic lens photos of made-under Jessica Simpson and her maudlin man John Mayer frolicking on an Australian Beach. Life & Style tried to bill it as an intimate, "small fantasy wedding" and progressive thinking Star declared the beach romp a "honeymoon." But all the quotes from eyewitnesses, paparazzi, and random pelicans in the background about how "in love" they look couldn't make John and Jess interesting. Bring back the bottle-blonde, boot-stepping, Bam Margera-banging Jess of yore!
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