Tabs Fail to Make Jessica Interesting

BEST PROM EVER Simpson, Mayer

Everyone ran blurry telescopic lens photos of made-under Jessica Simpson and her maudlin man John Mayer frolicking on an Australian Beach. Life & Style tried to bill it as an intimate, "small fantasy wedding" and progressive thinking Star declared the beach romp a "honeymoon." But all the quotes from eyewitnesses, paparazzi, and random pelicans in the background about how "in love" they look couldn't make John and Jess interesting. Bring back the bottle-blonde, boot-stepping, Bam Margera-banging Jess of yore!

Speaking of boring couples, In Touch, Us , OK!, and Life & Style all agree that Reese Witherspoon and Jake Gyllenhaal are hot and heavy. The proof? The two spent Easter weekend with their respective families and not together!