TOP STORY Cooper
• AC ... DC?: At a recent charity auction for Bailey House, master cock-blocker and power bidder Oliver Hicks won a much-coveted date with CNN's Anderson Cooper, the lucky bastard.
• Attack of the li'l green apple-pickers: For proof that celebrities probably perform normal bodily functions and might be like us after all, look no further than this photo expose of the unlucky few who just can't resist putting their finger in there
• Armchair theorists weigh in: Conspiracy lovers are pointing toward a possible sexual assault in a nightclub as the catalyst that caused Britney to act out.
• Pick yourself up, dust yourself off: Newly reformed party casualty Lindsay Lohan hits the clubs—to lecture patrons on the hazards of alcohol abuse, no doubt. Atta girl!