Writer: British Women Resemble Orcs

DEVOLUTION? Winehouse, orc (inset)

It should come as no surprise to the female half of the species to hear that a man secretly prefers a woman who, plastered in makeup, refuses carbs after 2 p.m. and silently pretends to sip martinis at Koi to those who go "natural." Still, it's kind of sad to read all the gory details. The London Times chronicles the personal saga of a British screenwriter who commutes between L.A. and the UK, only to find British women seriously lacking in the grooming department. On a date with one of his countrywomen back in London, writer Tad Safran observes: "At dinner, I found myself sitting opposite something that surely would have been happier hunting for truffles in the forests of France or grazing on the grassy marshlands of Canada."

But just when we were about to get outraged at Safran for likening English ladies to orcs from The Lord of the Rings, we thought of dear Amy Winehouse, who does, indeed, look like something out of J.R. Tolkien's imagination these days.