YOUR LEGACY AWAITS Rumer
The Hollywood Foreign Press has long dodged rumors of favor-trading and palm-greasing in picking its Golden Globe nominees, but it is far more upfront about who it selects to be Miss Golden Globe. The recipient is almost always the daughter of a celebrity who can be counted on to show up sober and walk Globe winners on and off stage, all the while serving as fodder for "jail bait" jokes to the lecherous A-listers sitting in the front row. (We say "almost always a daughter" because Freddie Prinze, Jr., swallowed his pride and actually took home the honor in 1996.)
This year's honoree, Demi Moore/Bruce Willis spawn Rumer Willis, may have difficulty with the "sober" qualifier, having garnered quite the party hard rep in her 19 years. We assume she'll be just fine, though, given the backgrounds of past honorees: Last year's winner, Jack Nicholson's daughter Lorraine, was last seen roaming the campus of the favored pass-fail institution of higher learning Brown University (coincidentally, the school that 2004 winner Lily Costner also attends). 2005 winner, Kathryn Eastwood (daughter of Clint, and a flight attendant), is best known for being ... Miss Golden Globe 2005. 2003 winner, A.J. "Son of Lorenzo" Lamas, is nominally an actor, but achieved his biggest fit of notoriety after being publicly linked to Lindsay Lohan. Susan Lucci's daughter, 2000 honoree Liza Huber, went from a stint on the soap opera Passions to a 2003 guest spot on Hollywood Squares.
In short, winning Miss Golden Globe is the equivalent of a promising young football player being put on the cover of Madden NFL, except for the fact that Miss Golden Globe winners aren't necessarily talented in the first place. We'll see you in 2009, Ali Lohan!