Meet the Also-Rans: Michael Jesus Archangel
Oct. 27 2008, Published 7:07 a.m. ET
CANDIDATE, SWORDSMAN Archangel
RadarOnline.com asks: Why should the race for our country's highest office be dominated by stage-managed mainstream candidates? Get to know the underdogs in the '08 presidential race—genuine mavericks without massive campaign coffers, high-paid strategists, or insurance plans that cover mental health.
Michael Jesus Archangel has "been at war with the homosexual Satan and his leftist queer devils and demons" for a while now. The presidential candidate from Michigan also runs a private investigative agency and a fascinating "Cosmic Reserve Bank" that prints "heavenly banknotes." This currency is used to pay women who, according to testimonials on his website, are flocking to his modeling agency. He can be reached by phone or e-mail, but you're out of luck if you want to fax him since the number is "CIA Top Secret Ultra-Grade."
The former master of custodial artistry (janitor) is looking at a handful of possible VPs, including Ann Coulter and Michelle Malkin, and he has already settled on a guy named Jim as his Education Secretary. While Archangel has encountered some bumps along his campaign trail—most notably, a flap last year that ended in an attempted murder charge against him—his optimism is unbowed: "I prophesy that I will win by a crushing landslide."
- Cruel ‘Baywatch Curse’ Claims Another Victim: Show Star Michael Newman Killed By 'Heart Complications’ Aged 68 — After Declaring Terminal Illness Gave Him ‘Wisdom’
- Royal on the Run: Desperate Prince Harry 'Battling to Escape Clutches of Diva Duchess Wife' – Even When He's Flying Solo Halfway Across World
- Justin Bieber at Center of New Mental Health Scare as He Posts Video Tribute to Tragic Liam Payne Six Days After Boybander's Death: 'You're Allowed to Cry and Break'
DAILY. BREAKING. CELEBRITY NEWS. ALL FREE.