Perez's No-love Letter from Prison

INMATE BAIT Perez (Photo: Getty Images)

On the docket: The federal prison system's most lawsuit-happy inmate has filed against portly provocateur Perez Hilton on charges of "Internet Stalking." Hilton joins the esteemed likes of George Steinbrenner and Isiah Thomas as the con's targets.

• Pissy cup for sippy cup: Britney Spears has lost her visitation rights to the apples of her bloodshot eyes until she complies with court-ordered random weekly drug testing.

• Ol' Sad Eyes: Rat Packer Joey Bishop has passed away at 89. He leaves behind a career to which few actors can boast, having performed with both Frank Sinatra and Chuck Norris.

• Oh Dalai: China is not taking the Dalai Lama's Congressional Gold Medal very well.

• Fin: French President Nicolas Sarkozy is to divorce his wife Cécilia. Although he recently wrote that the two would be together "forever," au contraire, it was to end tout suite. Quel dommage.