This Week's Gutter Queen: Paula Abdul

STRAIGHT UP Abdul Paula Abdul: She might not be able to form complete, coherent sentences, but Paula Abdul is a winner...a Gutter Queen winner!

The American Idol train wreck has a new show on Bravo called Hey Paula, where she bawls out two assistants when they forget to bring her sweatpants and alternates between soggy weeps and hysterical giggles. Those assistants probably got canned months ago, as Paula fires and hires new assistants as often as she mumbles about sprites and rainbows.

Your minions may not love you forever, Paula, but your Gutter Queen crown will always be safe at Radar.