The War in Lahore

IMPORTED BEEF Musharraf, Bhutto (Photo: Getty Images)

Conventional wisdom maintains that the person, place, or thing left standing at the end of a fight is the winner. In Beef of the Week, Radar unravels the most prominent spat of the last seven days, deconstructing its causes and effects, and issuing a final verdict on the battle's victor. Let the games begin.

Our week started with Benazir "The Karachi Kid" Bhutto—a former Pakistan prime minister recently returned from self-imposed exile—a day into her second state-ordered lockdown and Pakistan honcho Pervez "Islamabadass" Musharraf balls deep in martial law. See-through states of emergency, you'll remember, are generally bad: Those who lead them are usually abused in unread history books. But for the sake of Beef of the Week, let's call the front-page battle between these two a tie until now—The Karachi Kid with her international corruption-y past and immobility, Islamabadass his dictatorial slant and dry-erase constitution.