• One down: Former Wisconsin Governor Tommy "Who?" Thompson, a Republican, drops out of the presidential race.
• Merv Griffin: Jeopardy and Wheel of Fortune creator Merv Griffin wins an-all-expense-paid trip to heaven.
• Working stiff: Despite recent appearances in Malibu, Paris Hilton is not part of Adrian Grenier's entourage. He's just working on a paparazzi documentary, and she depends on the bloodsuckers for her fame.
• No Hermione: Despite rumors that Chanel signed Harry Potter actress Emma Watson as its new face, Kiera Knightly stars in the company's new perfume campaign stark naked and looking remarkably like Natalie Portman.